Wonder
by TY450
Summary: After the battle with the First, Faith's life changes dramatically but is it for the good or the bad? Faith POV
1. Wonder

**Wonder**

**TY450**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own BTVS...Joss does...i don't own ELiza either which is a shame because we'd see alot more of her then we have been doing...i don't mean that in a pervy way just in a....you know what? scratch that from you memory! Song Belongs to Megan McCauley

Faith's POV After Season 7 not along the line of the comic apart from Buffy going Gay

**WONDER**

_Midnights workings, weather down the storyline,  
I try to find the truth between all the lies,  
When bleeding is feeling and feeling ain't real, Will i see you when i open my eyes?  
Will i see you when i open my eyes?_

You all should understand something, I know that ya'll know that my childhood in southie wasn't anything to jump for joy screamin' 'yay' about, more like grit you teeth against the pain while trying not to scream 'FUCK'and just waitin' for 'em to get bored. Yeah I was knocked around in my younger days, did some stupid shit to myself too. Even before B stabbed me I knew the feel of a blade all too well...you can all figure it out, don't need lil' old me to draw you a picture!. I can't remember when it started but I know when the shit stopped, wanna know?....after the fight with the first.

_When breathings a burden we all have to bare,  
And trust is one thing we're taught never to share,  
Somehow you just seem to shine,  
When loving means breaking and saying goodbye,_

Yeah I know what your thinkin'...stupid right?. You see all I knew was to hide from the light...why the hell am I rhymin'?...anyway, I was always runnin', runnin' away from everythin', emotional turmoil never seem to stick good with me. I'm fucked in the head, I know that, c'mon I mean I fought for the bad guys even though I'm supposed to be a 'good' guy, my best friends a creature I'm supposed to kill and the only one who could understand my calling gutted me...and even though she did that, I can't seem to hate her for it...fucked yeah?  
Shit...B...man, I know I've done some fucked up shit to her and said some equally messed up stuff too...I just hope that we could work it out.  
I mean I know B's never gonna push me again, we're standing side by side, kickin' demon ass and it feels like old times, only now we have a dozen or so mini-slayer joinin' the gig. Hey I don't mind the young uns' hangin' 'round, it's kinda cool to be teachin' someone not to do the shit I did, I just wish I had some time with B on our own...the Chosen Two as used to be. ah...who am I kiddin'...I'm gonna tell you the real reason as to why I wanted B an' me on our own...I love her...see I told you I was seriously messed. B...oh and Angel, they're are my light, they're are my reason...but everytime I look at them I can't help but see all the shit I put them through, all the pain, sufferin' and torment between us...so thats why i'm on this bike in the middle of fucken' nowhere. I love 'em both and thats why I left, I could still see it in their eyes too, they were tryin' their hardest not to show it but couldn't stop it. well it's just like the song goes 'When loving means leaving and saying goodbye'...the bad thing is I left without sayin' that.

_And i can't help but wonder what it is you do,  
You help heal the pain and the thoughts of the truth,  
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world,  
And somehow when i'm with you, i never get burned,_

Angel...it's him that helped me, him that healed me...but it was B that saved me. The chick should hate me, I think deep down she still kinda does, but having her give me a chance to help her fight The First gave me a line yunno?, let me think that maybe all would be fine, we got along apart from the whole 'tossin' her outta her house' and the 'punchin' me in the face' thing, they're the only times weve had any beef since Angel's all that time ago. but I think she realised that I didn't want that to happen, it wasn't me who turfed her outta her home and that I sure as hell didn't want to be the one in charge. When she left I followed her, we had an understandin' she told me not to be afraid of leadin' them, I love that about her, no matter what I looked to her for guidence and I looked up to her, she's so much stronger than me. This is gonna sound so lame but I feel like i'm at home when i'm with her.

_Caught in a trap of what we're taught to believe,  
When night overcomes day, lifes so hard to preceive, And the clock keeps on ticking through night-shatted skies,  
Where the stars are all broken, and so are all the ties,  
But the one thing remaining is you,  
When i'm broken and bleeding you pull me right through,_

iIbelieve i'm doin' the right thing, yunno leaving, but sometimes i think that its stupid to do this, i'm throwin' away my one chance of happiness and the only family that i'm most probably gonna have...damn, it is stupid. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea!. I should go back, but i'm afraid, I left so they don't want me back, I didn't say goodbye so they'll be pissed off!, i've been gone for 2 weeks and i've keep the cell Fang gave me, off. You know what?...I goin' home. I'll quit runnin' away, i'll face my demons. I love her an' I shouldn't be afraid of telling her that, and i'm damn sure not afraid of the Sumo or Satsuma or whatever that asian chicks name is. I'll stand up and fight for the woman I love even if all she'll do is throw a fist at me then tell me to sling my hook, shit this is hard. Lets crank up this beauty...ooo listen to her purr, fuckin' brilliant, right lets turn around and go home baby.

_And i can't help but wonder what it is you do,  
You help heal the pain and the thoughts of the truth,  
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world,  
And somehow when i'm with you theres nothing i'd rather do,_

The feel of this crotch rocket ain't doing what it normally does for me, shit i must be proper zoned. I've never really had a one track mind but all I can think about is goin' home to Buffy...hugging Buffy...kissing Buffy...fu-, hey if I don't concerntrate on the road it'll be coma-land again...if i'm lucky, at this speed i'll be roadkill. Gotta slow down before I gather to much attention, don't need the cops on my ass now do i?. I'll never get home if that happens. I wonder how they'll react, probally don't really give a damn. Good job I got the bike, if they be pissed at me then i'lL just hop straight back on the bike and gun it. I hope they don't yell, it'll only get me yelling...don't really wanna dissapear, come back then start yelling at everyone.

_Than be right there,  
To escape my own life and all my fear, And i can't really feel,  
Am i really real?_

_Come and wipe away all my tears,  
Come and wipe away all my tears,_

Oh man, there it is...Buffy's place, fuck me, I can't do this, I can't...ARRGHH! FUCK!...come on you fuckin' sissy, just walk up to the door and knock, knock? erm I still have a key...but just letting yourself in?...internal arguements, theres a hoot. C'mon Lehane!...grow a pair already. There you go, one foot in front of the other, okay thats your right now move your left...erm move it...MOVE!...ah there. Oh boy, knock knock. Oh shit...what do i say?...erm hi B, sorry I up an' vanished again jus' had to make life hard for ya? pfft. i doubt i'll be able to talk anyway, what with the noise coming from the house...what the fuck is goin' on in there?. i'll knock again. Ooff..what the?...OW! okay who landed on me?

**"Faith?"** Shit...B landed on me and she isn't gettin' off...me, she isn't gettin' offa me. what is it with people and they dirty minds huh? ooo, B is lookin' kinda pissed off, musta spaced out.  
**"Hey B"** flash a smile Faith, good girl **"Miss me?"** FREAKIN' DUMBASS. She's deffo gonna go with the punchin' now...alright i'm braceing myself

** "Hey Faith...you're back, did get what you needed done?"** Whoa wait a minute!  
**"Huh?"** she looks so cute like that...still sittin' on me though, it's nice.  
**"Angel told me you needed to go back to Boston to sort something out...he wouldn't tell me what"** Angel you lifesaver...man I love that guy.  
**"Uh yea' jus' somethin' to do with my old house, been a few years since I been there, just wanted to check to see if it's still standin' an' all" **Smooth Lehane.  
**"How is it"**  
**"A gangsters paradise"** Well it was when I left.  
**"Good to have you back"**  
**"If this is the welcome i get then i'm gonna go away on weekly trips!"** I made her laugh.  
**"Come on...you can help me"** B gets up off me and all of a sudden i'm really freakin' cold...weird. She holds out her hand for me to take and I do...she raises an eyebrow at me...of course I smirk back** "What do you need my help for B"**  
**"Dawn got a dog...I was chasing it, trying to make it go outside...but instead it made me"** I can't help but laugh at that...she really is cute. She smiles back at me...whoa what is she doing?  
**"You got really cute dimples Faith, you should smile like that more often, it lights up your face"** okay urm...right. Change of subject please 

**"What dog is it and how old"  
"2 year old Akita...named"  
"Hey Buffy you'll never guess what? Hey Faith, Buffy you're name means 'God's Promise' in Hebrew and remember that Caleb guy?...well his name means 'Dog' In Hebrew aswell as 'Bold"**  
**"Hey thats funny...'Bold Dog'...anyway as i was saying his name is"  
"Hey Faith...what's your middle name?" should i tell her? why not "It's Eliza"  
"Whoa...okay short for Elizabeth, which is also Buffy's real name"  
"Yeah but i don't have an Ann...Ann Summers?...you do know that's a shop right? sells sex gear and naughty underwear!"** B blushes...i've still got it

"**Elizabeth means 'God's Oath'. You two suit each other...'God's Promise' and 'God's Oath'. oh and the New dogs name is Raidon, it means 'Thunder God' in Japanese"  
"Whats with you and the name meaning things"  
"What do you mean we suit each other?"** Dawn rolls her eyes at us which has me smirking

**"Ugh...let me put it in simple terms...huh um, Faith Like Buffy, Buffy Like Faith, Faith Good, Buffy Want, Faith Want...HANKY PANKY. Does any of that ring a bell? you two are useless, i'm gonna go play with Raidon"** What the hell was that?...did we seriously get yelled at by Squirt? B's tryin to talk, she can't do it but she's doin' a damn fine job of mockin' a fish.

**"B...I...What Dawn said, she's, she's"**  
**"Not lying...I know. What she said is true. I really wanted to tell you myself in a few more words than that though. Faith, I do , I do like you...in that way, but is it true about you liking me in that way?"**

**"B are ya' blind? Yea' I like ya' in that way...what did D say?, oh, HANKY PANKY. Jeez you guys have been spending to much time with G-man."** Buffy smiled at me, now she walking slowly to me...this is kinda scary come to think of it.  
**"Well that's good, now 'Eliza' come on home"** Home, B finally said that its our home... I like that. Awesome.

_And i can't help but wonder what it is you do,  
You help heal the pain and the thoughts of the truth,  
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world, And somehow, when i'm with you,  
I can't help but wonder what it is you do,  
You help heal the pain and the thoughts of the truth,  
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world,  
And somehow, when i'm with you, I never get burned._


	2. If You Seek Amy

It's been awhile...sorry! Pls Read and Review

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Chapter 2

**"Holy shit B, I've only been gone for two weeks, how in the hell did you manage to change the house this much?"** What the hell? This is like a blood red...I picked the fucker, lil' ass stole it!

**"Perks of having so many superhuman friends....oh and a witch"** so much for only doing magic for the good of mankind and all that.

**"Red did this?"**

**"Most of it....the slayers just ended up getting into a paint fight with Dawn, Xander and Andrew."** the images make me chuckle

**"Figures...why this sudden urge to change?"**

**"The old colour just wasn't working anymore"** well yeah you can only take so much beige and coffee colours until it looks like your livin in a goddamn box

**"Could've told you that B, wait in fact I think I did"**

**"Yeah...well what do you think?"** I raise an eyebrow yet she just looks at me innocently and shrugs

**"B, this is the colour I picked out in the first place!"**

**"No its not....it's lighter that that one...I think"** she gets this cute lil' thoughtful frown on her face...wait Cute?

**"No it's exactly the one I picked!"**

**"Just keep telling yourself that"**

I send a glare at Buffy, shaking my head as I do until suddenly I'm jacked Offa my feet by a god damn giant ball of fur....fuckin' WET fur!

**"Fuck...gets this thing Offa me!"** I'm wigglin', tryna get this thing off me, never really noticing what the thing was.

**"Faith calm down, it's only Raidon, you know? The dog"**

**"He's wet B, shit...Raidon? Could ya get offa me?"** The dog did just that, much to the surprise of B, who lookin likes I've just booted the dog or somethin'

**"He listened...he listened to you...what the?"**

Gettin' up of the floor and sniffin' at my clothes, grimacing at the smell I send a glare at the dog who just wagged his tail and yipped at me...fuckin' dog, why d'ya have to be so damn cute?!

**"Only cuz you're not my dog have I not called you dumb yet. Why are you wet?!"**

**"He's wet because he decided to get in my bath!"** me and B turned around to see an equally wet Dawn dressed in a towel leaning against the doorjamb, Damn she should not walk around like that, I forgot that Dawn's no longer the little brat that used to follow me around in the past, she's a fully grown, young woman who is gonna be a heartbreaker for sure

**"Don't you know how to lock a door Squirt!"** yet the old nickname still fits

**"I did...dumb dog put a hole in it!"** Dawn walked over to the telephone and dialled a number. After a brief telephone call to, I'm guessin' Xander, she faced us with a sneaky lookin grin that I think she may have just picked up from me...lil' shit...

**"Faith...this is your home now so maybe you could cook dinner tonight?" say what?**

**"Hey you know I can't cook"**

**"quit playin', faith I know you can so you will but you won't be cooking for me, just Buffy and yourself....see ya later"** Dawn ran out of the room chucklin, no doubt at the cuss words I was sending after her, B just giggled at me.

**N (POV) **

An hour later Xander arrived, ready to replace the bathroom door. He let himself in as Buffy had given him a key for emergencies. walking into the kitchen he put his toolbox down on the counter and noticed a leather jacket and a pair of Doc Martins on the floor, he stood there stretching the back of his head, wondering who the said items belonged to, shrugging he opened the fridge and pulled out the orange juice. Walking to the other side of the room he opened a kitchen cupboard and got out a sports bottle, filling the bottle up with the juice and leaving a note on the fridge he picked up his toolbox and made way to the bathroom.

**F (POV)**

Man I love my hot showers, the feel of the hot water cascadin down my back just gives me this kinda buzz yunno? Like an orgasm or somethin' just hittin the right spot. The other reason I love shower's is the time to think...shit...I almost lost everythin' doin the dumb thing of runnin' away...damn. Maybe all the shit that has happened to me in my life is just that karma shit comin round to bite me in the ass instead of my dead mother, I mean with me an B, that's one of my dreams yunno? To have her look at me in that way, the way she did when we talked earlier but I can't help but think that it's all gonna go to pot. Nothing good as ever happened to me an' I don't think it's gonna start now. Yeah maybe I'm jinxin it or whatever but can you blame me? With me an' B it's always been one extreme to the other, I have a feelin' sumthin may just come along and fuck it all up....I'm not sure I'll be able to live without her if this whole thing gets fucked. I don't want to feel the pain of losing her again...shit I don't think we're actually a couple...I mean we ain't said anything to each other, I don't wanna dream about things that never were and things that aren't even happenin. Back then...yunno, the time a help the mayor? You could basically see the darkness filling the void between me and Buffy. A part of me believed back then that what I did was right, but there was a part of me that died the night I turned my back on the whole gang...it still hurts to think about it. I tried to bloke myself from it...just thinkin that I'd miss the patrols and stuff but the lies I was telling myself got old after hearing them a thousand times. I wanted to say goodbye forever...but I wanted her back then too. The life of a hated bi-curious teenager is seriously wacked. Angel knew what I was thinkin' an' he helped me see it myself. Angel, that dude is Awesome. Jesus, I could've came back to just get a fist in my face but I come back to B sittin' on me...hey I'm not complainin' at all. But it's just odd is all, I never thought that B would even think of me that way...that's a wicked head trip. Fuckin' hell...I don't deserve any of this, I was going to leave and never come back, I just up and went. In all rights B should've caved my head in with a shovel, shit I would've. Fuck me backwards, she just amazes me. I got to chuckle at the thoughts I'm having...I'm already picturing getting fucked backwards...well tryna. Hot damn.

I reach out of the shower stall to grab my cell phone off the window ledge...I need some music. Ah here we go, Tap That...I turn the track on and I'm already dancing to the opening chords, this chick's music is awesome. I start to sing the words while dancin', loving the feels of just letting go in a safe way

_"Oh snap, look at that, there you go,_

_Where you at, slow it down baby,_

_We should go crazy,_

_Tempt you, tease you, anything you want to do,_

_I'll give it to you just how you like it boy."_

I'm dancin like a loon right know and not really giving two shits

"Don't play dumb, you know you wanted to,

Fill my cup, that's what we came to do.

I'm the boss, keep that in your head,

Don't forget, you know I'm gonna get you.

I'm gonna teach ya how to scream my name,

Your never gonna get away from me

Yeah I kinda like that, I wanna tap that,

You can bet I'm gonna get you

Come on over here and play with me,

Let me be your dirty fantasy.

Yeah I kinda like that, I wanna tap that, you

Can bet I'm gonna get you... Yeah"

Oh yeah this shit rocks...fuckin' hot...I can't help but vibrate to it, it always makes me move in some way, chicks got skills

_"Head to toe, priceless, my diamonds, flawless,_

_Kiss the ring, show me, I'm the one and only,_

_Cause in a few, I'm gonna show ya some-thin' new baby,_

_And we can do, what you really wanna do._

_Don't play dumb, you know you wanted to,_

_Fill my cup, that's what we came to do._

_I'm the boss, keep that in your head,_

_Don't forget, you know I'm gonna get you._

_I'm gonna teach ya how to scream my name,_

_Your never gonna get away from me_

_Yeah I kinda like that, I wanna tap that,_

_You can bet I'm gonna get you_

_Come on over here and play with me,_

_Let me be your dirty fantasy._

_Yeah I kinda like that, I wanna tap that,_

_You can bet I'm gonna get you._

_I'm gonna get you_

_I know you wanna talk to me,_

_Just tell me what you wanna see,_

_And maybe we can do something,_

_That sometimes leads to other things,_

_And yeah I kinda want that,_

_Show me all about that,_

_Show me you got what it takes to come_

_With me and do it tonight..._

_Tonight I'm gonna get... You._

_I'm gonna teach ya how to scream my name,_

_Your never gonna get away from me_

_Yeah I kinda like that, I wanna tap that,_

_You can bet I'm gonna get you_

_Come on over here and play with me,_

_Let me be your dirty fantasy._

_Yeah I kinda like that, I wanna tap that, you_

_Can bet I'm gonna get you..._

_I'ma teach you how to scream my name, Scream my name_

_You're never gonna get away from me_

_Yeah, I kinda like that_

_I wanna tap that_

_You can bet I'm gonna get you_

_Come over here and play with me_

_Let me be your dirty fantasy_

_Yeah I kinda like that_

_I wanna tap that_

_You can bet I'm gonna get you"_

I stop dancing when the song finishes and I start to hear somethin', somethin' like a small child making shocked noises, i open my eyes and look towards the door to see Xander standing there. I don't bother to dive out of the way or yank a towel of the rack...shit, he's seen it all before!

**"Yo X-man...can ya close the door? Ya makin' it go all chilly in here, can you tell?"** I gesture to myself and I see him practically wakin' up...bout time. He finally looks me in the eyes and goes bright red...I laugh, especially when he starts to spin around in circles tryna get out the door

**"Calm down Xander"** I take pity on him and cover myself up with a towel, walking up to him a put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, he turns around and I send him my most dazzlin' smile...yunno the one with my dimples showin'?. It works cuz he's calming down and smiling back, though his looks kinda pained

**"I'm s-s-sorry Faith...b-b-but the door, door...urm...Wasn't closed erm...sorry"**

**"Ah...yeah I didn't know when you were gonna turn up to fix it but I needed a shower cuz I smelt like wet dog...oh B's gone with Dawn...they took the beast for a walk"** is it wrong to think Xander's confused look is sweet...what the fuck is happenin to me?

**"The Beast?"**

**"Yeah yunno the dog? Um...Raidon?"**

**"Yeah that thing"**

**"Not a fan of the Dog"**

**"I like Dogs, it's just Buffy and Dawn are spoiling him and not training him...he doesn't listen to anyone"**

**"He listens to me"**

**"You've always had a way with men....why should dogs be any different?"** was that a dig?

**"What do you mean by that X-man?"** I frown at him and I can basically see him go over what he said in his head. His eye widens and I can't help but burst out laughin'

**"No I didn't mean anything derogatory about it Faith please believe me on that!"**

**"No worries X, just playin' with ya...oh shit I got to get Dinner started...you stayin?"**

**"Nah just fixing the door then going...got a hot date tonight"**

**"That doesn't involve Jenna Jameson and a shit load of dudes does it?"** he blushes, I smirk

**"Once Faith...you caught me once. No, it's an actual girl...met her a few weeks back, we've been dating on the DL"** he winks and nudges me with his elbow, it makes me smile. I never really thought that we'd become friends like this. He smiles and starts work on the door. I squeeze past him, makin sure to just rub a little against his back...he smiled and shook his head

**"Nice try Faith, you know I don't actually mind it....it gives me ammo for nights alone"** My lord, did he just say that? What the hell happened to Xander? Was he spendin too much time around me?

**"You have either been watchin' too much T.V or been spendin to much time with me"** he grins one of my cheeky grins...one of MINE

**"You have always been a bad influence on me Faith..."** he smiles a true to god honest smile which makes me know he's kiddin' but then the smiles changes into a serious look...what's goin off? **"I'm glad you came back Faith, please don't do anything like that again"** he grabs me into a hug that I'm not too ashamed to say I kinda like, my arms shoot up to wrap around his back...Xander's been working out

**"What? I only went to check on my house"** gotta keep up the lil white lie but Xander scoffs at me

**"Yeah right...come on Faith I know that wasn't the reason, I'm not gonna ask you to tell me the real reason...yet. but I really missed you these last two weeks, I know I don't say it alot but I'm gonna say I now...Faith I love you...I love you like a sister, apart from we've slept together"** I swear both of my eyebrows are up in my hairline somewhere **"but forget that little detail, though I am thankful for that...you taught me alot. You're a part of the gang now Faith and one of my best friends, yeah we've got a pretty messed up past..."** I snort to that and he just continues to rub my back **"but that's exactly what it is, the past. I've forgiven you, the gangs forgiven you, Buffy's forgiven you...the younger slayers look up to you. You've shown us all that you are no longer the so called rouge slayer, you are one of the original slayers..."** he pulls away from me and his smile starts to grow strained and he closes his eye **"And you are also naked again...you kinda dropped your towel"** he points to the floor and I laugh, bending down all woman like to further save his embarrassment, I pick up the towel and drape it over myself once again

**"Thanks for the warnin' Xan...I love you too in a friend-type way...now if you don't mind, I gotta start dinner or B'll pissed"** he opens his eye again and sweeps his arm aside letting me go through

**"You are planning to get dressed before you cook right?"**

**"Maybe..."**

**"Cooking naked is a nightmare...Anya got me doing it once, wanted a romantic night...a bucket of ice on the misters is not romantic!" **

**"Good advice...though I haven't got 'Misters' Xan"** I turn around and jog down the stairs, I might as well give B a lil' surprise...

A good time later as I'm leanin over the gas stove tasting some carbonara sauce, I sense someone behind me. Keeping hold of the spoon and my towel I swing round and point it at the intruder only to see Xander standing there with one hand up and the other holding a pile of clothes. I lower the spoon and raise an eyebrow, Xander lets go of a relieved breath

**"What ya got Xan?"**

**"Oh just some clothes you left in the bathroom...thought you might need them."**

**"Sweet...though I am goin ta cook in the buff for when Buff comes home...just to shock her a bit"**

**"Yeah like that's the only reason...when people hear that your back they're gonna want to see you, Buffy may not come home alone...you do remember Dawn lives here too?"** I roll my eyes at him...he'll never change, wait, did he say B may not come home alone? Shit, I grab the clothes of him and drop my towel....hurrying to put on the small black boy shorts and matchin bra, he ain't looking away this time

**"Yo Xan...eye offa the twins...they sure as all hell ain't goin anywhere soon so look another time!**" he swings his head away and apologizes. I retrieve my jeans and tank from him and yank those on too. once I'm fully dressed I clap him on the back and send him on his way home to get ready for his date, now that I'm alone and dinner is fine I've got nothing to do and no one to talk to...holy shit I'm bored now so I search the living room. I open the old foot puff thing that I used to store my gear in...score, it's all still here includin my laptop Red got me, should have fuckin' took the thing with me, anyway I pick it up and the cable and make my way back into the kitchen. I set it up and turn it on, smiling when it loads and the picture of Jessica Alba and Paul Walker appears on my screen, both total hotties and I almost lost it when I watched them both in Into the Blue...weren't the best film but it was worth it for the eye candy. I open my folders looking for my music...ah here we are, what should I play?...ah screw it just play 'em all! The music flows as I go back to cooking, shit who'd a thunk I'd listen to Britney Spears eh?

**N (POV)**

Buffy was sitting on the back porch of her house listening to the music and to the brunette inside singing, the Redhead that was with her was smiling and jigging along.

**"She has a real good voice Buff"** Buffy turned to look at her best friend and saw the smile, it made a carbon copy of that smile appear on her own.

**"Yeah but I never knew that she listened to this!"**

Both of the friends stopped and listened again to the Boston Native's beautiful voice filtering through the window

_"Love me, Hate me, Say what you want about me_

_But all the boys and all the girls_

_Are begging to if you seek Amy_

_Love me, hate me_

_Can't you see what I see?_

_All the boys and all the girls_

_Are begging to if you seek Amy"_

Buffy cocked her head to the side, her face being marred by a confused frown

**"Willow?"**

**"Yeah"**

**"What does 'If You Seek Amy' mean?"** Willow looked shocked

**"Buffy did you just ask me what f-u-c-k me means?"**

**"Yeah...wait did you just say -"**

**"Hey are you two gonna come in anytime soon?"** Buffy was interupted by Faith who had heard them from inside

**"Faith!"**

**"Hey Red, by the way 'If You Seek Amy' means FUCK ME...."** the Brunette slayer turned on her heel and entered the kitchen again, leaving the backdoor open for the bewildered two to follow.


	3. Dude Looks Like A Lady

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**F (POV)**

The music is still playin' full blast in the kitchen when they decide to finally come in, they don't shut the door.

"**Yo, could ya close the door?...don't want the grub to get cold!"** Red does this little flick with her wrist and the door gently closes its self, that's kinda neat

"**Thanks Red, now I guess you wanna know why the fuck I'm listening to Britney right?"** I get nods from the two sitting in front of me **"Well...I ain't got no answer for you, I'm just gonna say that the song is funny as all hell and a great pick up line!"** I smile and turn my back on them, swaying my hips just a lil' bit.

"**That's it! Dawn's never listening to her again!"** B huffs behind me and I swear I heard Red giggle

"**Calm down Buffy, it's only a song...a very risqué song none the less but Dawn is old enough"**

"**Yeah B, what the hell do you want her to listen to, old New kids on the Block stuff? She'd totally blank you on that!"** I turn back around to see B pouting at me **"At least she ain't listening to Buck Cherry or something"** Both B and Red look at me confused, I raise an eyebrow **"Tell me you know Buck Cherry?...Jesus...wait a minute"** Where have they been?, I turn to my laptop and browse my music file again...here we are. **"Right I'm gonna play you one of her songs, just don't wig on me, listen."** I press play, **Crazy Bitch** comes on, ironic I know

_All right!_

_Break me down, you got a lovely face  
We're going to your place  
And now you got to freak me out  
Scream so loud, getting fuckin' laid  
You want me to stay, but I got to make my way_

_Hey  
You're crazy bitch  
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it  
When I dream, I'm doing you all night  
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on_

_Hey  
You're a crazy bitch  
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it  
When I dream, I'm doing you all night  
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on_

_Take it off, the paper is your game  
You jump in bed with fame  
Another one night paid in full, uh  
You're so fine, it won't be a loss  
Cashing in the rocks, just to get you face to face_

_Hey  
You're a crazy bitch  
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it  
When I dream, I'm doing you all night  
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on  
_

_  
_  
I turn it off half way through but can't help laughin' at the faces of B and Red, the latter goin' bright red while the former looks glazed over...shit she's spacing on me!

"**B! Where are you!? Wake up chica"** I wave a hand in front of her face and can't help but frown, even Willow is lookin' a lil' worried now

"**Buffy?"** Suddenly B jerks forward a lil' too fast for Red and ends up smacking their heads together...I don't find it funny right now, she slowly leans back holding her head while I gently hold on to Willow.

"**Willow? What happened...What's wrong? Oww my head hurts!"**

I place Willow down on her stool and go to retrieve some painkillers and two bottles of water; I give them to the two groaning women.

"**You zoinked out on us...we were worried and unfortunately Red got a lil' too close and you ended up gettin' a lil' too up close and personal with her forehead...seriously B, What came over you?!"**

She gets up of the stool and says sorry to Willow then she just escapes out of the room, yeah I said escaped, looks like she was having some bad thoughts or something . I look towards Red and she looks just as confused as me, I shrug. Shit what can I say or do? Well I turn the hob off for starters...don't need to burn the kitchen down

"**I'm really starting to worry about her Faith, I mean she acts fine but I think it's a show. She hasn't been the same for a while now...It kinda reminds me of the time I broke up with Tara"**

"**You think B had a Boo but now they ain't together? How long was I gone?"**

Red shakes her head and motions for me to sit down next to her...I do

"**No...I don't think she did, I think she's lonely. She needs someone Faith...just like you do"**

"**What do you mean like I do, what's wrong with that Satsuma gal?"**

"**I know we haven't always been friends or seen eye to eye"** I scoff at that understatement **"Yeah...I know, but your human Faith, I know deep down inside of you that you're yearning for the same thing. But with you two being so much different than everyone else it's hard to find someone who can understand and...Keep up. And Satsu...it was a one time thing for Buffy, she was having thoughts...curiosities"**

"**So basically she was being a college kid a couple years too late?"**

"**Yeah...but Satsu, she's in love with Buffy. She told Buffy but what could she do? Satsu wanted Buffy to love her back. Buffy said she couldn't, not fully, she was in love with someone else. Satsu asked how she could love more than one person at anyone time, she was told about Spike and Angel, Riley and Angel, her and...The other person"** Red's not telling me something.

"**That happened in the Two weeks I was gone?"**

"**Yeah, listen Faith, I know you love Buffy...I've know for as long as I can remember. I think that was the reason back then that I never really spent the time to get to know you, but you see I'm not that little red head who's worried the new, hot and interesting Brunette Slayer is gonna take my best friend away. I was being selfish and a little jealous that I basically...um..."**

"**Cock-blocked me?"**

"**I wouldn't put it like that...but yeah. I'm sorry Faith."** Whoa...Red is apologizing to me...what the fuck for?

"**Wait Red...you don't have to apologize for anything, I mean it. How the hell could you have Cock-blocked me? Angel was here and I don't HAVE a cock for it to be blocked. Good thing too cuz knowing me I'd only end up getting glued to it!"**

Willow started to giggle at that

"**What do you mean by that?"**

"**Well okay...I'll tell you, this one time I was with this girl right –"**

"**Faith! You actually cooked?!"** My GOD, Dawn's got fucked up timing. I turn around and noticed her in the doorway with some random young guy...who is this fucker?

"**Yeah Squirt, I did...so who's ya friend?"** D glares at me and I shrug. Red gets up of the stool and walks over to him, holding out her hand.

"**Hi, I'm Willow, a family friend and that's Faith...don't worry about her, she's as harmless as a kitten" **Red whispered that last bit to him, I still heard her though and lil' D knows it as she's starting to smile. Shit I can't have them fuckin' with my rep.

"**Yeah, I'm as harmless as a kitten with freakin' sharp claws and rabies!"**

"**Hey Faith, calm down...he's a friend from outta town, he just came by for a few days...so put your claws away"** I smirk at her and she smirks back. The young dude smiles at me and I can see something in his eyes, Willow can she it too cuz she narrows her eyes at him, he's a fuckin' playa...son of a bitch, here is Dawn making puppy dog, goo-goo eyes at him and he's flirtin' with another chick!

"**Hi, I'm Billy...Turner. So are all of Dawn's extended family such good looking women?"**

Such a fuckin' sleaze, Red interrupts before I can verbally kill him.

"**There's Xander and Giles, Andrew and Angel...they aren't really women though, but sometimes Andrew makes me think...I mean one time I caught him...you don't wanna know...but he does evoke a certain thought out of people and the first time I heard about Angel I thought he was a girl, seriously ANGEL?! Who wouldn't think that?....but he isn't, no way is he, he's very studly and handsome...in a broody, leave-me-the-hell-alone kinda way"**

I can't help but chuckle at her, fuck I missed this.

"**Yeah but Xander can be an awful pretty girl when he wants to be...I'm sure Anya told you about how he makes this little noise when he-"** Shit, Red just slapped her hand over my mouth, not a smart move on her part as I thrust out my tongue and slobber her hand.

"**Ewe Faith, that's gross"** she whips her hand on my top

"**Should teach ya not ta play with my mouth!"** I look over to Billy and I swear he's tryna hide a little somethin', somethin' from us** "Yo lil' D, I think you should talk to ya sis...she seems kinda upset yunno?" **She glares at me, guess she thinks it's my fault but she leaves anyway. I turn to look at Willow who has this kinda 'oh no' look on her face. She once told me that she can see a spark or a small change of colour in my eyes when ever I'm gonna start somethin', she must know me kinda well now then.

"**So Billy-Bob, where ya from?"** He looks kinda startled that I'm speaking to him.

"**I'm from ****Agoura Hills**** in California"**

"**Cleveland's a bit of a long way out for a Cali guy"**

"**Yeah but I was on my way to New York to visit my bro and I thought I'd stop by here. I think I made the right choice"**

"**Oh yeah what makes you say that?"**

"**Dawn's a hottie, he whole family is, I can't even imagine what her sister looks like"** Little fuckers drooling and before I know it I'm magically being restrained by Red...that bastard's lucky!

"**You keep B outta ya head Okay...even think unsavoury thoughts about her and I'm comin' afta ya. Man I know the real reason ya here, it's just ta get lil' D in the sack right?...your silence is my answer. Look Billy-BOB...you tell Dawn that you have to go now, you tell her that ya bro called and you need to go NOW...cuz if you don't leave I'm gonna-what the FUCK are you starin' at cuz I'm as sure as all hell you ain't starin' at my chest" I follow his eyes and, yes the moron's checkin' me out "Quit starin' at the twins...they ain't there for you! Fuckin' look me in the eyes, IN. THE. EYES."** He finally looks up **"Right you cunt...wanna explain ya self?"**

"**You got eye's right? Dawn is HOT, so is the Red head and so are YOU, I'm 22 by the way"** Red rolls her eyes but keeps the barrier around me, but she's being kinda quiet, too quiet.

"**I really can't believe ya got the balls to flirt with me with a witness here!"**

"**So?, me and Dawn ain't together like in a couple way...I could go out and DO any girl I'd like"**

"**Are you sure you got the right EQUIPMENT to Do anyone how you'd like?"** me and the young 'un look confused, I silently ask Willow what she was on about, she's about to answer when the guy starts to talk again.

"**Hey lady...I'm all Man, Shit you wanna look, hey maybe the feisty one could come over and have a feel?"**

"**You don't want me to come over there If ya want ya junk still attached to ya body, got it?"**

"**Faith I don't think you can rip what he's got off his body"**

"**Why cuz it's so small that I wouldn't be able to get a grip? Well then I'll whack it with that meat tenderiser thing I saw in the draw"**

"**No, cuz if he actually...you know what? Just go over and cop a feel Faith"**

"**What the fuck? Are you outta ya mind Red?"**

"**No, not really...just trust me, you'll get a laugh out of it"**

"**Fine"** I get up off the stool now that I'm aloud and saunter over toward Billy...man I'm beginning to hate that name, anyway I smile at him and he winks, I think Red saw me twitch at that cuz I heard her cough. I put my hand on his chest tryin' not to grimace at the feel of his breast bone, I make my hand travel south over his poor excuse for abs towards his crotch, I go to grab but there's nothin' there for me to grab, I frown and push him up against the wall, right I haven't don't anything like this for a long time and I'm not gonna do it for a long time after but I pull his pants down and I actually gasp at what I'm seeing. Red's fell of her chair, laughing and somehow I can't speak or tear my eyes away from him. None of us notice Buffy and Dawn walk into the kitchen, I only notice when I feel a hand on my shoulder and the words Buffy is saying

"**Why are his pants round his ankles and why are you on your...oh my...where is his...is he a he or a her, can I say shim? Is that allowed? Is there a word for this...transvestite?...no that's a man who dresses like a woman, Transsexual? Yeah that's it"**

"**YOU'RE A TRANSSEXUAL!!!???"** Dawn's screech jostles me outta my little trance I had goin on. The dude pushes me away and looks down himself, 5...4... 3... 2... 1...he screams and legs it outta the door without pullin' his pants up, needless to say he doesn't get far before he's sayin 'Hi' to the porch. Dawn glares at me and Willow before slumping down on Willows abandoned stool, She still hasn't got up off the floor. I stand up and shake my self.

"**Red...did ya have to do that? He was being a jerk, sure, but turning him partially into a woman? That's harsh"**

"**Faith...you...threatened to...rip ...his 'junk' off"** how she managed to get that out while still laughing I have no clue.

"**Good point...gave me a major shock I'll tell ya that, him braggin', tellin' me to have a feel, then actually goin' over and doin so...no junk!"**

"**What the hell was going on?"** Buffy asked me and Red after gettin' over her own shock.

"**Well ya see...he...um...Red?"**

"**Yeah?"** she has finally stopped laughing

"**Help me out here yeah?"** Red stood up off the floor and walked over towards me and stood beside me lookin' towards B

"**Well he started staring at Faith's chest, then flirting with her then saying he could go out and 'DO' any girl he wants'. He said we're all hot and he kept winking at Faith, he said that if Dawn's that hot he couldn't even imagine to think how hot you could be...he started to drool and space out on us, Faith managed to get him to stop fantasizing about you but the he started to stare at the breasts again...he started to say he was all man after I said something to Faith, he even said that maybe Faith should Feel to make sure!"** B looks towards me and all I can do is nod and shrug.

"**So naturally you pulled down his pants?!"**

"**No B...not straight away, Red was tryna explain what she did but Billy-Bob interrupted so she told me to cop a feel"** Red nodded

"**She said no at first" **

"**See? Anyway I thought fuck it yunno? Scare the shit outta the boy...so I went over and well...you saw the out come of that"** Dawn groaned from the table and I automatically felt like shit **"I'm sorry Dawn...but that guy was a bastard...all he wanted was your ass!"** Dawn raised her eyebrows at me **"What?"**

"**It's just weird to see you all protective and thoughtful like this...Thank You but in future talk to me first before you decide to mentally scar everyone of my friends. Faith, put that sauce back on the heat...I see you haven't cooked the pasta yet which is good, Willow lets go out for some coffee...leave these two alone"** Dawn gets up off the stool and drags Willow with her out of the door leavin' just me and B...Alone...in a room with dozens of sharp objects. I spin around and put the sauce back on the hob and try not to grimace at the silence.

"**Did that guy have any good points?"** I jump at hearing Buffy's voice and she giggles at me "Jumpy much"

"**I just didn't...yeah he did"**

"**What were they?"** B walks over to the cupboards and pulls out the pasta as I continue to stir the sauce.

"**Well...he came from the same place as Linkin' Park and he thought I was hot"**

"**He isn't the only one"** I drop the spoon at that...shit I don't think she realizes that she said that out loud. I turn to look at her and she's gone bright crimson, she coughs and tries to cover her ass **"I mean how many times have you had to push people away from you when we used to go dancing?"**

"**Yeah...I know what you mean but you have you fair share of admirers too" **Boy don't I know it

"**No I haven't...not really. So what's for dinner?"**


	4. The Older I Get

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Okay this isn't as bad as I thought it would be, me and B all alone, eating a meal for two...ALONE. We're sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen eating the food I cooked earlier, Jeez it's kinda quite in here...maybe I should start a conversation or some shit. **"Hey B...food any good?"** Food any good?! DUMBASS...wait, she's smiling...that's gotta be good right?

"**I'm rather surprised Faith...I love it. Where in the hell did you learn to cook like this?"**

"**Like I've said before...the bags never empty...i actually learned from jail, they had cooking classes as a workshop so i decided to learn. Kinda glad i did now"** She looks up at me for a second, straight in the eyes. There's a small smile on her face and my god is it doin' somethin' weird to me.

"**You're not the only one...oh man i could get used to this, you'd make a brilliant house wife"** What? B suddenly looks away and i can tell she's blushin' like crazy. I can't help but smirk at that. She thinks i'd be a great housewife...that's tapped.

"**Aww, thanks B...but me a housewife? Yeah...right!"**

"**Don't sell yourself short Faith...any guy would be blessed to have you"** I raise my eyebrow at her an' she blushes again **"As a housewife...not have you as...urm. You're enjoying this aren't you?"**

"**Just a little...calm down B. I understand what you're sayin' an' thanks again y'know. Thanks."** She smiles at me which of course makes me smile back...shit i'm whipped. Got to change the subject...urm what to? Dating? I can't think of anythin' so there's this mad silence which is killing me right now, fortunately B breaks the silence...unfortunately it's a question about this one guy who'd i rather forget.

"**So...how are things with you and Robin?"** Shit i've never told anybody about what happened between me and the Principal.

"**B...when was the last time you spoke to him?"**

"**Last week...why? Did something happen?"** She looks real concerned right now and it's making my stomach feel messed up.

"**What did he say?"**

"**Just that he can't get in touch with you and wondered if we could...I asked Angel and he told us that you were fine and that he'd call you...speaking off, why didn't we have a contact number for you?"**

"**I thought Angel would give it to you. Me an' Robin are over"**

"**Why?"**

"**Dude has major issues...he was cool at first...great in the sack but his people skills are limited. Shit i knew i was dumb but for a guy to talk to you like a kid he was teaching at school...that pissed me off. I told him if that was his surprise then he could stick it where the sun don't shine. He was a right creepy little bastard at times, once we were drinking an' he had a lil' bit too much, we kinda got a hot 'n' heavy when out of the blue he asked my to call him his baby boy cuz' that's what his Mom used to call him. Now i've been with some kinky guys...the fucker with the bull whip comes to mind now i think about it but none beggin' me to treat 'em like their Moms used to"**

"**That's...That's so....funny. i never would have thought Robin being like that..."**

"**It's great blackmail material...i'm thinking of tellin' to squirt so she could use it to wind him up while they are training...they are both still training to become Watchers right?"** She nods at me then looks over my shoulder, i follow her line of sight and it rests on my laptop...why is she staring at my laptop? **"B?"**

"**I never really understood why you liked that film so much until the other day when I watched it with Xander. i nearly had to put a bucket under his mouth to catch all the drool...it didn't help that i was kinda drooling too. I have that poster now in my office above the couch at the side" **

"**Well me an' Xander have good taste in films then...i think"**

"**I just think he's in love with that Jessica Alba...mind you i can see why, she is incredibly beautiful."**

"**Hey B...you know if you ever met her an' she came on to you what would you do?"**

"**What?"**

"**C'mon...if she told you that she wanted you...what would you do? Would you be freaked out or would you go with her?"**

"**Do i really have to answer this?"** i nod while taking a sip off my beer **"Fine but you gotta answer too...i guess if she ever did, which is highly unlikely, i would maybe...give in"** I grin at her and wiggle my eyebrows which i know she knows that i would too...i mean jeez, Paul ain't the only reason i watch that film if you get me...

"**So Faith...you're single again...any guys in your sights?"** Not any guys B.

"**Nah...I'm good for know...with guys anyway. Might swap genders for a bit...become a girl on girl kinda person"**

"**Seriously?"** B has a kinda unreadable look on her face right now an' it's freakin' me out.

"**Yeah...it's not that big of a deal right?"**

"**No of course not...and not's like you'll be short of prospects"** Jealousy? No way.

"**Maybe...how about you...how's Satsuma?"**

"**Satsu...is fine, she's just..."**

"**Just?"**

"**She's in love with me...she told me so"** Does fuckin' everyone fall in love with her or somethin'?

"**What's wrong with that...is it's 'cuz she's a...well y'know...she?" **

"**God no...It's just i can't love her back when I'm already in love with someone else"** Fuck no...Who the fuck is she in love with? Angel? Spike? Xander?

"**Who?"** I hate the way my voice as gone all crazy squeaky like...i need a drink. I pick up my beer and down the whole thing.

"**It doesn't matter...the point is that i don't love Satsu but i can't bring myself to hurt her"** What like she does me?

"**Everything burns B...I'm sure if you explain it to Satsu she'll understand, after all, all love is pain"** She looks at me a little weird and cocks her head to the side **"What? I can't be deep at times?"** That gets her to chuckle, she stands up and walks over to me and hugs me, putting her head on my shoulders she whispers in my ear.

"**Thank you Faith"** I return the hug as i know that this is most probably as far as we'll ever get to each other.

"**No problem babe...but what are you thankin' me for?"** She chuckles again and it feels so good to have her close to me.

"**For making me laugh and for making us dinner...and for listening"** she lets go off me and smiles again, her cell phone goes off and she takes it out off her pocket. **"Urgh...i curse the day Dawn taught Giles how to text...i have to go, Satsu's got into a fight with another slayer...god damn it"** She turns around and picks her coat up ready to leave

"**Wait up B...let me grab my own jacket an' my boots an' I'll come with ya...gotta tell Giles that i'm back anyhow"**

Me an' B make our way to the school in relative silence, we tell something's goin' down even before we get there, we both give each other a look before we bolt for the door. Getting inside we see Xander on the floor holding his jaw and two slayers fighting. Me an' B pull the fighting duo apart an' now i see them more closely i realise i've somehow managed to get a hold of Satsu. She's strugglin' like a bitch an' it's fuckin' annoyin'. Ow...little fucker just kicked me in the shin.

"**Fuckin' calm down already..."** i look over at B an' she's managed to calm the other girl down and now they're just talkin'. I look down at Satsu and place her back on her feet before motioning for her to sit down. **"Yo Xand...you okay?"**

"**Peachy...i'm gonna have to get a stun gun or something...that's the 4****th**** time this week i've been caught in a slayer fight"** he gets up off the floor and makes his way into the kitchen for some ice no doubt.

I look back down at Satsu who's lookin' at B like some lost puppy, i roll my eyes and look over at B an' notice that she's lookin' straight at me with another one of her small smiles before she takes the other girl into her office. I grin an' look back at Satsu who is now glaring at me.

"**What hell are you fightin' for?"**

"**Like you care..."**

"**Ya right...i don't. But i also don't like seeing two people who are on the same side fighting"**

"**Like that ever bothered you before!"** The little bitch

"**Listen here...i did some fucked up shit in my time...yeah I hurt B an' the Scoobs. I admit that an' it's one of the things that I'll regret for the rest of my life, one of the worst mistakes that i have ever made an' i hope to god that I'll never make another mistake like that again"**

"**But you will Faith...i see it. I've heard all the things that you've done...people like you don't change and people like you don't deserve a second chance. The second you fall...I'll be there watching and laughing"**

"**That will never happen...you hear me?"** She stands up off the seat an' tries to stand nose to nose...shit she's smaller than B!

"**It will, even if i have to make sure of it"**

"**What's your beef Satsu?"**

"**You...all i've heard these past two weeks is 'I wonder when Faith's coming back' or 'We've got to get that for Faith when she gets back'...i'm tired of being second to you of all people. You weren't even her and you got more attention from Buffy than i got and i was fucking her!"** i should slap the taste out of her mouth

"**So what? You're jealous?"**

"**Of you? No way...cuz' I'll be the one by Buffy's side when she's kicking you're ass to the curb when you screw up again"**

"**Fuck you, you little bitch...I'll never let Buffy down again...I'll never let her fall, I'll stand by her side forever. Wanna know why? I Love her, i know that she'll never love me....maybe the older i get i find a way to get over it but right now i can't...It hurts don't it? knowing that she'd never even look in you're direction, i wish it didn't hurt like this, i'm just gettin' older...i'm not gettin' over her, i don't think i ever will. So if any one should be Jealous Satsu...i should be me cuz' you've been able to kiss her, to hold her and most importantly you've been able to tell her how you feel!"** Fuck! Why the fuck have i just said all of this to her of all people. She looks calmer now and kinda like she understands. I sigh and sit on the chair she was sitting in earlier, i place my head in my hands and sigh again.

"**How do you feel?"** Why can't i shut up?

"**i don't know...i left to try an' sort my head out...don't ask me why i couldn't let go, couldn't say goodbye. I tried to forget her but that lasted for like a week, tops"** She squats down in front of me an' i realise that me an' this chick have more things in common than i thought

"**Tell me how you feel when she's around you" **

"**Like I'll die...my heart does double time an' i feel like i can't catch my breath. I feel normal but giddy too, i feel like we're the only two in the room and nothing could go wrong. Like i'm never alone."**

"**I understand that...i really do"**

"**It's slowly killing me an' it's got to be screwin' up my judgement...cuz' shit i'm talkin' to you about it"** That gets us both chuckling.

"**What would you do if Buffy found out?"** i look up at her and notice her looking over my shoulder...oh shit. I feel the tingles that tell my B's closer than i thought she was. I turn around in my seat an' look at B who is standing there with tears in her eyes. I sigh an' slouch in my chair, i look at Satsu an' see her grinnin' like a madman

"**How long?"** she knows what i'm askin'

"**Since you asked me what beef was?"**

"**What you're beef was...what you're problem was"** oh man...she heard everything.

"**Satsu...can you leave please?"** Buffy asks

"**Urm sure thing Buffy...good luck Faith"** she added that last part so only i'd hear it. She leaves and winks at me. I hear more footsteps that tell me B's gettin' closer. She sits down next to me and i can't bring myself to look at her, she must think i'm some crazy bitch or that i'm another little lost puppy just itchin' to follow her around everywhere...what bugs is that i would willingly. I've just told the woman that's in love with her that i also love her and to make matters worse the woman in question was listening the whole time, maybe Angel needs some help in L.A, i could call him an' find out, i still got my bike, it shouldn't take me so long to...

"**I love you too"**


	5. Breathe On Me

**Chapter 5 – Breathe On Me**

Now i know i ain't the sharpest knife in the draw but i know my ears are working real good, what, with slayer hearing an' all. At times i might seem ignorant or like i don't give a fuck 'bout anythin' but Angel kinda beat that shit outta me back in the day, maybe all those hits to the head have finally caught up to me and messed up my ability to process things but i'd bet my bike that she's just told me that she loves me too. But i think there is a part of me that just don't wanna understand an' i think it's the part that normally takes all the blunt force trauma.

"**Huh?"** Yep, see what i mean? Too many shots to the head. I look at B an' she's got this strangest type of look on her face, like she's tryna not laugh but it doesn't quite work cuz the next thing i know is she's chucklin' like a madman...urm, woman...it's kinda cute in the not so cute way, shit i confuse myself at times. She motions to the front door...mouthin' home to me, we start to walk back an' not one of us open our mouths until we're through the front door and sittin' down in the livin' room after makin' sure the house was empty.

"**I heard what you said to Satsu...do you really feel this way? Honestly?"** I take a deep breath an' stand up from the chair i parked my ass in earlier when talkin' to B, i couldn't look at her so i started to pace in front of Buffy who was watching me like a hawk. I had that feelin' in the pit of my stomach, you know the one right? The one where no matter what you do it won't fuck off...it's kinda like between hunger an' the need to puke, the feelin' like something bad's gonna happen. My whole life i've always followed my gut an' it's never steered my wrong...well ok that was a lie, it's always done me no good so now i'm gonna start listenin' to something else, maybe my conscience or my head or maybe...dare i say it...my heart.

OK, lets try the first one...my gut...now that's tellin' me to run, to not even peek a look at B, jump on my bike an' ride off into the sunset without ever lookin' back. The good points of that is not havin' to worry 'bout how people would react if they found out, bad points are letting everyone down again. Scratch that idea.

My heads tellin' me to follow my gut, so that's a no.

Next one...my conscience...that kinda sounds like Angel, is tellin' me to follow my heart...it's also tellin' me to answer her or risk gettin' a ass kickin'. Might as well listen to my conscience an' talk to her, i can figure out what my heart wants while I speak, i really don't wanna get any bruises today.

"**Yes B, i do...i really do, so if ya' gonna chew me out, get it over with so i'm prepared okay?"** i stop in front of B, wringin' my hands nervously and shifting from foot to foot, now anyone who knows me knows i don't do shit like this, I'll stand tough and duke it out with anybody an' anything, shit don't faze me but put me an' B alone in a room talkin' bout feelin's an' it seems that i'm like a lil' kitten tryna stare down a hungry, rabies infested, psychotic Rottweiler...scared as fuck. It ain't right, I'm supposed to be the Rottweiler, and people are meant to run from me! I hear a slight snort and look up at B to see her coverin' her mouth with her hand, tryna stop the fit of giggles she's suddenly got...Fuck, an' people wanted to know why i was a 'get some get gone' kinda gal.

"**Shit B, why you laughin'? You heard what i said 'bout you...you even told me you love me too, so what's so funny B?"** she looks at me an' wipes her eyes with her fingertips, while tryna get the laughin' under control.

"**Sorry...i know it's not funny but...it's just you back there, you being nervous is new to me and i gotta admit it, you look really cute" **I start raidin' my pockets for my smokes...lookin' for somethin' to calm me down...shit's making me sweat.

"**Cute? Fuck B, you wonder why i'm nervous? I've never done this before an' you're makin' fun of me. Why you makin' fun of me? Are you not playin' with a full deck?" **Where the Fuck are my smokes?

"**I'm not makin' fun of you Faith, believe me, i'm not. This is weird for me too okay? I mean we haven't got the best history between us" **Now i remember, B made me quit, sayin' 'cigarette smoke is not attractive'. I just stuff my hands in my pockets.

"**B I know i can never put that right but i'm tryin', i thought you could see that?" **B sits forward on the chair and sighs

"**I can Faith and that's one of the things that have made me realize that i'm falling in love with you, that I already have"**

"**You see? That's the thing. I don't deserve anyone's love never mind yours. I'm nothing B, you'd be better off without me. Shit, i've brought you nothing but trouble these past few years an' there's no way to ever pay for that, what i did was stupid and real pathetic, that i see now. Don't get me wrong, knowin' you love me back is doin' all those weird things to my stomach an' my head, an' please don't tell anyone this...but ...it's makin' me feel like a giddy lil' school girl or somethin'. I'm so happy that you feel this way too but i can't help but feel guilty 'bout it. I feel like i'm way too fuckin' cold for this, all the things i've fucked up in my life will come back to bite me in my ass to stop me from being happy, shit i don't deserve to be happy 'cuz i equal trouble B, always have an' always will!" **I slump down onto the coffee table in front of B and hang my head down between my knees. I look up when i feel a warm but small hand on my shoulder an' see B kneelin' in front of me with a frown on her beautiful face. She lifts her other hand and places it softly on my cheek and uses her thumb to rub just under my eye, it feels nice an' i'm kinda relaxin' right now.

"**Open your eyes Faith, so what? You fell from grace, i get that but you've managed to make you way back up. You've changed, you're not the same insanely beautiful young girl who wouldn't blink twice at having sex on the dance floor in front of everybody while listening to Rob Zombie" **Hey i was drunk an' it only happened once...wait how the fuck does she know about that? **"Back then you was miss guided but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy. I love you and i know i'm not the only one who does, we all love you it's just i love you in a completely different way"**

"**Un-platonic"** shit what can i say...i do learn

"**Now is not the time for drinking Faith" **i have to blink at that...classic B

"**No you lava lamp...it mean in a non friendly way...somethin' more" **I grab her hand on my cheek and examine it closely

"**Look at the bookworm"**

"**I was spendin' a lot of time with Angel B, you knew that"** it's true, me an' Angel used to spend loads of time in his library just talkin' or readin', he chills me out.

"**And what do you mean lava lamp?"** He he...it's true, she is like a lava lamp...fun to look at but not that bright

"**Nothin' B" **She pulls her hand from out of mine and sits on the floor dejectedly...

"**You always do that!" **I frown at the same time she does, i'm kinda confused at what she means now.

"**Do what?"**

"**Retract...we get talking and then you completely block me out or change the subject" **Ah...wait

"**Hey don't be blamin' me...you changed this whole thing 'round when you told me to stop drinkin', I kept in the bounds of the fuckin' conversation!"**

"**You added words!...words i don't know...and you called me a Lava-lamp!" **I'm seriously havin' trouble from not jumpin' her right here an' now...that look on her face just makes me wanna eat her...if you get what i mean?

"**Are you high?"**

"**What?" **She cocks an eyebrow at me and i just reply with one back

"**B...we just went from tellin' each other that we love one another to arguin' about the fact i added the word 'Platonic'"**

"**That's not my fault"** She folds her arms under her chest...pushing up her goodies...stop gettin' distracted Lehane

"**You're the one who thought i was askin' for a drink...where the hell did that come from?"**

"**Tonic...it's what Giles has with his gin" **He damn well needs it when hangin' round the scoobs for as long has he has

"**Ahh...G&T, shit B...i don't drink Tonic, no T for me I'll just have the G"**

"**Yeah, straight edge eh?"**

"**What d'you mean by that?"**

"**Nothing"**

"**For fuck's sake...I'm the one with the sharin' problems? Pot an' kettle B" **I get up off the coffee table an' make my way into the kitchen, i spot the dog sitting on the floor an' i go sit beside him and he puts his head in my lap and kinda gives me like a doggy cuddle...i dunno. B's followed me and sat on the counter across from where i am.

"**Oh yeah, we got problems for some reason...i don't get it. I love you and you love me...why isn't that enough?"**

"**We just know how to rile each other up i suppose...i can't explain it but it's like we mesh but then we don't y'know?" **i swear the Dog just rolled his eyes at me

"**What do you mean by that?"**

"**At times i think i'm goin' crazy with how much i love ya. One minute i want to lay you out on the counter and teach ya to scream my name out while you're scratchin' the shit outta my back but, the next thing i know is i'm thinkin' bout the rooftop an' the knife y'know?" **My scar starts to feel a lil' warm an' it's startin' to give me the wiggins, i look down just to find out the source of the warmth is just the dog breathin' on me.

"**Yeah...i know. You know i'm sorry about that right?"**

"**Of course B...i can't really be mad at you for that Toots...you did it to stop me and to save Fang. Shit i was out of control, messed up, the whole works"**

"**How did it always end up with us fighting?"** I'm just gonna tell her...been too much of a pussy these past few years.

"**I'm gonna tell you what fucked me up okay? I had a crush on you B, I don't get crushes an' it freaked me out...so i masked it with anger...thinkin' if i could get you mad at me i'd see ya a lil' bit different, not like i did...do. Didn't fuckin' work though, just made me think of you more an' in the good way, you'd say somethin' bad at me an' i'd be thinkin' Ooh...shit, you sexy lil' gal...every fight we had ended up the same way. It was always the same song an' dance between us y'know?"**

"**Yeah, it was stupid back then and to tell you the truth...i had one on you too. You were the new girl, the hot brunette with no fear, fun-loving and carefree, making Xander and Willow blush at every turn. When you turned on us it hurt...more than it did when Angel tried to kill everyone. He apologized and i let him but when you tried i really did want to kill you, i even told you so. It hurt so bad that i couldn't breathe; i was so confused and angry with myself for losing you. Dawn told me that i was too cold with you when we were in Sunnydale, that i held you at arms length, she was the one who told me to embrace the fact that i had someone who could understand what it feels like to be a slayer, someone to help me deal. When I finally got comfortable around you the whole Finch accident happened and i freaked and it showed...god i'm so sorry Faith" **Holy shit...B had a crush on me too? Wow. I look up at her and see her bathed in some kinda warm light...i know it's just the kitchen light but it looks surreal and it pulls my thoughts intoline.

"**You and Angel are the only two people alive, well sorta alive, to see me at my worse. I broke in front of Angel but do you have any idea how much i wanted it to be you? I wanted it to be you to put your arms around me, pray for you to help me even if that meant killing me. To me you were and are an Angel...just soaring above keepin' an eye out for all the folk in need, the only time i could admit i was wrong was when i wasn't around you...when you're gone from my life i was lost, in jail the only thoughts that was stoppin' me from laying down and lettin' the others kill me were you lettin' me back in your life. When Red asked me to go to Sunnydale with her to help you i was so over joyed. When you didn't shun me you managed to save me. It was you who calmed me down, who tamed me. I was there an' I saw what you did and it blew my mind"**

"**Faith..."**

"**No B, i'm finally lettin' everything out now...i'm not bottlin' it up no more so let me finish while i can. I breathe for you B, I'd die for you...you ever in trouble i'd go to the Powers to tell them to swap our places, and I'd do what Angel did an' go to hell for you"**

"**My god, i had no idea...you'd truly do that?" **She looks like she gonna start cryin' soon...i gently push the dog of me and stand up off the floor, i walk toward B and place my hand on her shoulder, she looks at me straight in the eyes and i feel my chest hitch.

"**Yeah...i would" **She grabs my shoulders and pulls me forward into a rib crushin' hug, i wrap my own arms around her and lean my head on hers, breathin' in the scent of her coconut shampoo...wait a minute, MY coconut shampoo...lil' tea leaf, she burrows her own head just under my chin and sighs.

"**Faith...i could never ask you to do anything like that?"**

"**That's the thing...you wouldn't have to cuz i'd do it anyway" **She leans back just a little bit out of the hug so she can see my face, she smiles a bit and i can't help but smile back, i just can't resist her.

"**I really do love you...and i think that i'd do the same for you. I just need you to know that i won't run away from this again, from us. The only time i feel really at peace is when i'm with you, i can get angry and you just go with it. I'm gonna sound real mushy now but...you're my little piece of heaven" **She gets a lil' bit teary an' i start to feel guilty again, it's not right for me to be causin' her anymore pain even if it is unintentional **"I've always wanted someone to be like me...to walk in my shoes to find out the way i feel, to know what its like to be me. You came along and i found that one person...yeah Kendra was called before you but she was different...i can't understand how but i never felt her...but i feel you. Even when you were in prison, i knew i still had you there you know? Kinda like my soul mate" **Holy fucks...soul mate?

"**I wouldn't go that far B...i'm not worth it"**

"**Yeah right...and i've slept with Britney Spears!"**

"**Seriously? Holy cow...I'd give my ass an' hat for front row tickets to that!" **Shit...now that thought is gonna keep me up all night! Britney and Buffy...my two blonde Bs...Oh my, i'ma needs a cold shower soon.

"**Faith!" S**he hits my arm and playfully scowls at me, i pout back while rubbin' my arm where she hit me

"**Hey, chill with the violence...can't blame a girl though!" **

"**No, i can't, not really"**

"**Hey, c'mon...you know i'ma slave for you!" **B laughs at my lame joke and hugs me tight again

"**Where would i be without your really dumb jokes?"**

"**Probably with Xander an' his fuckin' real crazy ones" **She lets me go from the hug but i see somethin' in her eyes...it reminds me of Dawn when she's up to somethin'

"**True...do you wanna know a secret?" **She slowly looks me up an' down an' when she settles for my face she winks at me

"**Sure...i think"**

"**Wanna know what Britney song gets me thinking of you**?" I get a song...a Britney song...that's...odd.

"**Aiight" **She leans forwards and stops just by my ear, she starts to softly blow into it an' on my neck, she's not touchin' me at all but fuck is it turnin' me on she starts to whisper in my ear.

"**Take me in...Let it out....don't even need to touch me...baby...just, breathe on me...baby just breathe....Oh this is way beyond the physical..." **My hands shoot up of their own accord and grab the kitchen counter just has B leans back, i look straight into her eyes an' see what looks to me like, lust. She's gonna tease me like that it's only fair that i do the same. I lean so it looks like i'm gonna kiss her, i'm so close to her i can feel her very timid breaths, see her every pore. I duck my head down a little to see her neck an' her jugular vein is pulsin' like crazy, i blow out a little air onto it an' see goose bumps risin', no one knows how hard i'm holdin' on to my control...i feel like i could just burst right now, just for her, i move up slowly while still blowin' air all across her neck till i get to her ear. I whisper back.

"**Our imagination...taking us to places...we have never been before..." **B moves back again and looks at me** "Breathe on me huh? Never woulda tho..." **She stops my sentence by locking her lips to mine, gently pullin' at my bottom one and runnin' her hands through my hair. The kiss is one of the best i've ever had the pleasure to have and for such a shy little thing she sure has some skills with that tongue of hers, i latch onto her hips and pull back from the kiss, she starts to pout but i start to kiss her neck, she moans in pleasure an' i moan in agreement. I feel her hands on my back and feel the nails beginin' to break the skin, she manages to get the hem of my top an' pulls it upwards an' over my head leavin' me in nothin' but my jeans an' dark blue bra seein' as i kicked my shoes of earlier, her eyes rake my body and she pulls me forward again, attackin' my mouth once again with her own delicious one. It's not all teeth and tongue as i thought it would be, it's rather soft and passionate, makin' you forget everythin' and everyone except the person kissin' you. I don't try to take her clothes off...i'm lettin' her go at her own pace, lettin' her lead n' yeah i know that'll give everyone an heart attack to hear it. Just as her hands go to my back an' start to play with my bra do i move to take her top off an' she doesn't stop me. Once i've got rid of her tank i pepper her chest with kisses an' licks.

"**Faith..."** That's the hottest thing i've ever heard, the way she just moaned my name will forever be imprinted in my head...god i'm so hot for her right now. I unbutton her pants and manage to slid 'em partly down her legs, i lift her up slightly to pull 'em all the way down without ever liftin' my mouth from her chest, one of her hands fist in my hair while the other one has managed to undo my bra. I pull back from B lookin' at her sittin' there on the counter top in nothin' but her own underwear, pale yellow ones, lookin' extremely flushed. **"Don't stop Faith...please"** I grin at her while slowly liftin' my hands to the straps of my bra an' slowly pulling them down my arms. I pull off the bra while using one of my arms to cover myself just to tease B, she growls at me an' grabs the button of my jeans and undoes 'em. I'm only wearin' a pair of boyfriend jeans so they slid straight off me an' to the floor, i step forward again and B grabs my arms and slowly i let her move 'em out of the way, when their gone an' the bras left to fall on the floor she inspects the goods and sucks her bottom lip in between her teeth **"Oh sweet Jesus...Faith...you're perfect...the most beautiful sight i've ever seen"** I think i'm blushin' at that, to hide my embarrassment i look down an' hook my thumbs in the top of the Blue boy shorts and slowly start to tug them down, i only stop when i feel Buffy's hands go straight to mine and stop me. She pulls them away and trails her finger over the front of them before bringin' her hand up to her mouth and suckin' on her middle finger...fuck i just wanna jump her. My hands go straight to her hips as hers go to my shoulders, i'm drawin' little patterns on her skin while playin' with the material of her panties, i don't need to look or touch to know she's wet, shit i am too. We keep eye contact, my brown gazin' straight into her green. Her hands slip from my shoulders to the lower part of my back just before settlin' on my ass, she slightly squeezes and i lean forward and latch onto her breast though her bra, her moan of approval sends a jolt straight to my core an' it's throbbin' so bad that it's fuckin' painful. I look up to see her smilin' at me and motionin' to her own bra...oh i get it...she wants me to take hers off. Just as i go to do that with my hands trailin' patterns on her back she freezes.

"**B? Babe what's wrong?"** She points behind me an' as soon i turn around B squeals an' turns me back 'round to face her.

"**Faith! Don't move!"** she reaches over for my tank that's on the side next to her and puts it over my head.

"**Jeeze B...what gives?"**

"**Yeah...why'd you stop the show?"** The voice startles me an' even though i only still have my tank halfway on i swirl 'round and i'm froze solid 'cuz there stood in front of me is Angel an' a guy i thought had died years ago...my step brother...the only part of my Family i loved. **"Hey Faith"**

"**J.D?"**


	6. It Was You

"**J.D?"** What the hell...how in the world?

"**Hey Baby Girl...urm...Buffy, right?"** I feel Buffy nod against my shoulder and J.D smiles right at us **"Nice to meet you"**

"**Urm...you too. Angel, i don't wanna sound rude or anything but what are you doing here and how come you still haven't learnt to knock?"** B's got a point there. She kinda sounds ticked off at him an' under any other situation I'd be cussin' like a sailor at him but i just can't seem to form words right now. I mean shit, In front of me is a guy who i ain't seen since i was 14 an' he was 18. Ya wanna know the reason i ain't seen him since then? Well that's because i watched him drown, i still have nightmares 'bout that night. I don't believe it's him. I can't.

"**We got told Willow was here. Sorry for barging in like this Buffy. This is Jensen"**

"**Jensen...how do you know Faith?"** Buffy an' Angel both stare at me with identical confused looks on their faces. I guess i gotta find my voice seeing as J.D looks like he's in a tennis match.

"**He's...he's my stepbrother"** I hear Buffy gasp then i feel her fingers grip my shoulders tight as she spins me around to face her. I look straight into her eyes an' it kinda physically hurts me to see the emotions playin' in her eyes.

"**He's your stepbrother! You told me you had no family!"** B looks hurt that i never told her 'bout J, But i did, i told her the only people i ever thought of as family are dead...i never lied about that.

"**B, I don't"**

"**Then who is he?"** I look back over my shoulder to see J looking at the floor **"You said you had no family and yet you just told me he's your brother! Why are you lying to me?"**

"**B, I ain't fuckin' lyin' ok? He's supposed to be Fuckin' DEAD!"**

"**Faith...calm down"** I swirl 'round an' nearly fall over the jeans on the floor, i kick them out of the way and they somehow end up landin' on Angel's head. I stalk over to J.D and push him backwards into the livin' room, just before i push him over the coffee table he manages to grab my hands.

"**What the hell are you doin' 'lil' Red?"** Just hearin' that nickname i can't help but swing at him, i hit him straight on the jaw with a right cross that sends him flyin' over the table and onto the couch. I don't care if i hurt him, i just know that he ain't who he thinks he is, and He can't be.

"**Don't you fuckin' dare call me that! Only J could call me that an' there's no way on god's green earth that you're him!"** He just sits on the couch frownin' at me an' i'm too pissed to notice that B an' Fang didn't follow us in here.

"**What the...? What are you goin' on about Faith?"**

"**You're not him, you can't be him. I watched him...i watched. I saw him drown. I watched the car...go over the side an' into the water. I was fuckin' there when you drove off the bridge J! I saw what you did, you never came back up! YOUR'E DEAD!"** I don't fuckin' care how high my voice went or how loud i'm bein' right now. I can't relive this shit again. I end up jumpin' when he rises up off the couch faster than i expected.

"**I'm dead? I thought you were dead! I knew that you ran sometimes but never like that. I've been lookin' for you since that day. You'd have known that if you stuck around instead of gunnin' it like you did. Shit Faith, where did you go? You were only 14!"**

"**What the hell was i supposed to do J? Huh? You left me. You went away. I had no reason to stay in Boston no more. Why the fuck would i want to stay in a place where my mom would rather throw empty whiskey bottles at me than say good mornin', or a place where your dear old dad would let his friends creep into my room in the dead of night as long as he got first go huh? Tell my why i would stay there. The only reason i stuck around at all was because of you!"** He looks like I've took all the air right outta his lungs, i guess most people would look like that after hearin' what I've just laid out to him. He sat back down on the couch with a poignant frown on his face.

"**Why didn't you tell me about that, about him and his friends?"** I sigh and sit down next to him.

"**Yunno they told me it was my own fault, that i was beggin' for a good fuck, that i was a good for nothin' slut just like my mom an' sooner or later i guess i started to believe it**" I'm not lookin' at him at all, just lookin' down at my lap...shit, I've just realized that i'm only decked out in my boy shorts an' vest, no bra an' still kinda worked up from earlier. I'm feelin' wicked uncomfortable just sittin' here like this, he manages to take me by surprise when he grabs my shoulders and tugs me to face him. He's kneeling in front of me still holding me by the shoulders.

"**Faith, listen to me. There is no way in hell that any of the shit that happened to you back then was your own fault. You are not to blame for their fucked up actions or thoughts. And as for you being a slut, you were 11, tell me how an' 11 year old can be askin' for it?"**

Damn i really didn't want to remember that night. My 11th birthday was the day J caught his dad tryna fuck me. He flipped an' smacked him around a few times but he was only 15, no way was he gonna over power a 35 year old man. J ended up gettin' a broken nose and a coupla' busted ribs by his own dad. Every time i resisted, J got beat so yeah it is kinda my fault...at least that's how i see it.

"**But why does it feel like it was, like it is"** I've never really been an open person before but for some fucked up reason all those walls, doors and fuckin' forts that I've made over the years have just poofed like a vamp that's just been staked.

"**It's not ok? It's not! I should've know earlier, i could've stopped him from ever puttin' his vile hands on you"**

"**How could you have stopped it?"**

"**I promised you that as long as you were with me you'd be alright but i managed to screw that up good an' proper huh?"**

"**No...fuck Jay!" **

"**Well at least he can't do shit no more, not to anyone"** The tone of his voice has changed an' it reminds me so much of my bad days in Sunnydale. Me an' J ain't blood related or anythin' but looking in his eyes right now is kinda like lookin' in a mirror. All the pain an' hurt swirlin' 'round makin' me dizzy, all the deep rooted anger an' sadness, an' also the flash of fire that i know means he's seen an' done too much.

"**What are you sayin'?"**

"**You remember askin' that cop if you could pay him to shoot my father. The cop wouldn't do it which was kinda shockin' to be honest, considering where we lived an' all. He thought you were joking but i didn't. I heard you Faith, that little break in your voice telling me that you meant it. That mind numbing desperation you tried to hide from me. I did what you asked the cop to do"** as he said all this he got up from the floor an' started pacin' in front of me, crack in' his knuckles like i do when i'm nervous. I guess i picked it up off him all those years ago.

"**No...Jensen...tell me you kiddin', tell me you're FUCKIN' KIDDIN'!"**

"**Why would i joke about killing him?"**

"**Why did you do it?"**

"**Why do you think? After that time with you...do you honestly think that you would be the only one he wanted to get his nasty mitts on? He was a pathetic little man, Faith. He didn't deserve to live and wreak havoc on more people. There's a line you don't cross yet he crossed it by a mile and as he passed it he spat on it. He got obsessed with causing pain, destruction...he went off the rails and had to be stopped!"** His own father, yeah i get he was a nasty pile of shit and' a waste of human life but still...i jumped up off the couch an' stood right in front of him.

"**But he was your dad!"**

"**Don't! He has no right to be associated with that word**." He snapped back at me with such venom that it actually scared me an' made me take a step back. He saw and closed his eyes, only after takin' a deep breath did he open his eyes again. **"I don't regret it"**

"**You can't come back from this. Once you've killed someone it changes you an' never for the better"**

"**I feel remorse Faith, I do. But it still doesn't mean i regret my actions. I know you've killed, Angel told me everything so i know you went off the rails yourself. People do bad things in their lives, i have, and you have but my father, you know only little of what he got up to. He was Evil" Angel** told him everything huh? That's gotta mean he know where i'm coming from.

"**So Angel gave you the low down but you know there's more to it than that right? You now that i'm still seekin' forgiveness from the people I've hurt but there was a time that none of that ever meant shit to me...how do you know that he wouldn't ever change an' try to make up for his wrongs?"**

"**I don't know that, but how many people would've got hurt or killed before that notion even entered his head? You've got to get the fact that i did the only thing possible, the right thing?"**

"**Maybe it's the whole 'been there, done that' thing i got goin' on but i believe in not givin' up on people no matter how fucked they are**" look at me. If it weren't for people believin' in me I'd be long dead.

"**But even then you can't always help the ones who don't want it. Faith, i get that you don't like what I've done, but hey, we've all got our demons right?"** He's right there; I've not got the right to pass any judgement on him.

"**Right...so is that the only reason you're here, to tell me ya father's dead but you ain't?"**

"**I told you i thought you were dead...how was i supposed to know you'd be alive and kicking here? We're in the same boat!"**

"**Shit...you're right. I'm sorry ok? Kinda spun right now is all"**

"**I get it...trust me. You know, i had no idea of how beautiful you'd grow up to be, don't get me wrong, you were a pretty lil' girl last time i saw you but now....damn, you're stunning"** He turns towards me and flashes this great big cheesy smile that gets me laughin' straight away. Strange how we could come from a deep an' serious talk to jokin' 'round like this.

"**You could always charm a girl back then an' i see time ain't changed you there. An' hey, i'm not the only one who grew up well...i mean look at you, real heart breaker an' still big with the cheese an' all" **

"**Hey this cheese got me plenty of mice in my time and got the both of us outta a few jams before"** he raises one of his eyebrows at me.

"**Yeah that's true. Hey, do you keep in contact with anyone from back then?"**

"**You mean anyone you know?"**

"**Yeah"**

"**The only one is Lucy...and that's because i married her" **He married her? A fuckin' cheerleader?

"**No freakin' way...a cheerleader?"**

"**Hey...i love her...and she loved you"**

"**Hey...i'm sorry, but congrats okay?"**

"**Thanks baby girl...god i missed you"**

"**Yeah, i missed you too. Come give me some love babe"**

"**Ah...red sox'...you're blowin' my style"**

"**It's crampin' not blowin' ...just so you know"**

"**Yeah, yeah...anyway...what's going on with Blondie?"**

"**What?"**

"**You know...Buffy, the girl you just left half naked in the kitchen with Angel?"**

"**Oh Fuck! She's gonna kill me"**

"**You two together or something? Listening to prince to give each other what you need?"**

"**Seriously? Prince?"**

"**Don't change the subject" **i have to raise my eyebrows at that, he sounds like he has to deal with people tryna distract him all the time...kinda like how Giles sounds when me or Xander try to wind him up.

"**It's just started...whatever this is"**

"**it's throwing you huh?"**

"**Yeah...big time"**

"**I get you...if it weren't for Lucy...she's been there for me, to listen, to vent. She's magic y'know, stopping me from losing my way."**

"**She keeps you grounded...seriously?"**

"**Yeah...why do you sound so surprised?"**

"**She just seemed so airheaded in school...never givin' a shit about anybody"**

"**People change. So Buffy's like Lucy to you huh?"**

"**I guess...i mean i've done some shit but in the end it was Buffy that got me back to how i should be, yeah granted it was Angel that helped me see through all my shit but it was the lil' blond in the back of my mind that basically gave me a kick start y'know?"**

"**She brings out the best in you"**

"**Yeah an' also the worst...well she did but it ain't her fault...geeze see how i've opened up, this is mad"**

"**Maybe you needed to"**

"**Maybe...so Jensen...anything else you gotta tell me?"**

"**OH...yeah...you're an Aunt Lil' Red" **All i saw was his plain as day smirk before my head met with the carpet


End file.
